How To Submit When I Think He’s Acting Unreasonable

How do I submit my husband when I think he is acting unreasonable?

how to submit

Shalom Anna,

I am sorry for the delay in responding to you.  Part of the reason is I have had a lot going on, the other part is that I have been doing a lot of thinking and praying about your question. ​

In no way can I answer this as an expert at being under submission, because I still sometimes struggle with this one.  It is not because I have any doubts about it being the correct thing to do but I am a strong willed person and if I think my way is right, it is hard to submit to a way I may think is wrong.  But I guess that is the key point: my thoughts.  Are they in line with the Heavenly Father’s thoughts?  Let’s put it all into perspective.

After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.10 Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. – Matthew 6:9-10

When Yeshua had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. “Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.” Yeshua said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?” The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed.  For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”  When Yeshua heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. – Matthew 8:5-10

How great is your faith?  Can you trust the Heavenly Father’s system to work things out if you follow in the way He has asked you to walk, being in submission to your husband?  It’s not about us; it’s about the Heavenly Father’s Will being done on this earth by us, because we love Him.  Are my thoughts about what I want or what the Heavenly Father wants?

I do not want to disregard that your husband may realistically be unreasonable at some point.  He is human, right?  Each one of us can struggle with being unreasonable at times since we struggle with our own sinful nature.  So what do you do if there truly is unreasonableness?

First, consider if you may be feeding it.  Are you peacefully approaching him on an issue you want to deal with or are you emotional, angry, argumentative, etc?  Sometimes our husbands feel pushed against a wall by us and they react, as opposed to consider a matter.

If you are not feeding the unreasonableness, and you have presented your concerns with a right heart, let it go.  You can trust your heavenly Father to take care of things the way they need to be taken care of.  Bring it all to your Father.  In any way you feel wronged by your husband, let the Father minister to you.  His comfort can minister to any hurt you have.

As for your husband, try to apply this Scripture:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Forgive him for any unreasonableness and hold your peace.  In 1 Peter 3:1 we are shown how to act with a husband not walking as he should, but did you ever consider what the “likewise” was referring too?  If you consider it in light of this passage just before, it gives you the strength and motivation needed.

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.  He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth.  When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.  He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.  For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. – 1 Peter 2:21-25

I hope this helps.  Shalom to your home!

Do you have a question that you would like to ask Annie.  You are welcome to comment or email it to us!

How Do You Keep It All Together?

How Do You Keep It All Together?

How did you “keep it all together” with a bunch of little ones?  I have 3 and am expecting number 4.  It’s so hard!  I want to be that joyful mother but I’m more of a frazzled mother.

Shalom Chana,

This is an excellent question and yes you are right, it is hard … but you can do it.  Since I do not know you and your family personally, I am unaware of your family dynamics so I will answer this question “generally” and hopefully my answer will help.

To have peace in the home and “keep it all together”, the children need to have peace and the only way this is accomplished is revealed in the following proverb: “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.” – Proverbs 29:17

The best book my husband and I ever read on the subject of how to raise our children is What the Bible Says About Child Training by Richard Fugate.  There are many books out there on the subject of raising children but this one gives you such a good foundation and explanation of how to apply Biblical directives, that when followed, your children have peace and in turn you have rest.

If you are already aware of the blessing of properly raising your children, then the next thing to do is to put it all into perspective.  Organization and thinking ahead helps tremendously.  We all need good food and restful sleep.  A clean house and clean clothes help us to relax.  How to accomplish these things with your family takes thinking ahead and prayer.

Each family has different things going on in their life and therefore planning ahead and scheduling can look different for each family.  Do you have a lot of company?  Do you leave your home much to go shopping or visiting?  Do you travel as a family?  Does your husband work a regular schedule or does his schedule change depending on what he is doing?  As much as you can, have a “routine” and a schedule but it needs to be one that works for your family.

How Do You Keep It All Together?

If you have too much going on, it may be that you and your husband need to decide what needs to be removed from your lives to alleviate some of the “frazzle”.  Sometimes, it just comes down to needing to pray for direction in what to do next.  There are times that our family has so much going on and I have so many things pulling for my attention, there is no way to accomplish the “need to do” list.  At those times, I ask the Father, “What do I do and what do I let go?” Sometimes, we make our lists without prayer and we add to our load something the Father hasn’t put there.  Work with Him and the work is doable.

In closing, I want to share something I saw recently that was an amazing sight.  An obviously pregnant mother was holding a toddler, while she held the hand of 3 year old.  By her dress and manner, it was apparent she was a believer.  The young woman was walking at a very slow pace so the young’un she was leading could keep up.  She looked like such a beautiful, strong, healthy woman and the thought came to me how rarely you get to see a sight like this.  Often in advertising or other places, young women like this would be seen walking a fast pace with clothing suited for the office, or dressed up in a  sports-type suit running a race or doing some other sporty activity.  But never in these “pictures” have I seen such a look of joy on the woman’s face as on the face of that young mother … who was walking at an incredibly slow pace.

Yes, you are doing hard work right now that often goes against things you may rather be doing (like walking faster) but it is a good work.  May the heavenly Father help you as you seek to glorify Him.

Do you have a question that you would like to ask Annie.  You are welcome to comment or email it to us!

Questions and Answers

I received the following comment on The Higher Calling Part Two and am sharing the answers in a new post.

“Please don’t stop!  I hope there is more for me to learn, and ponder, and do like you; I really have learned quite a bit from your two posts, thank you.  How do you keep the feasts, exactly?  What does that look like if you are missing pieces?  How does a typical day look?  Since my children are young, could you answer from the preschool age? And current ages, as well?”

Thank you Brittany, for your kind encouragement.  As for how to keep the Feasts exactly … there is no answer.  When the Israelites were commanded to keep the Feast, they were coming into the Land (except for the first Passover).  We also do not have a sacrificial system as they did, so we cannot keep the Feasts as written in Leviticus.  My suggestion is that you and your husband read the passages relating to the Feast … read other books in relation to the Feasts … then pray for the leading of the Heavenly Father in how He wants your family to “keep the Feasts”.

Keeping the Feasts is a living relationship with the Heavenly Father.  It is a time to commune with Him.  Seek Him for the plan.  We have been doing this for 20+ years and each year is a different experience.  Yes, some things stay consistent through the years, like having lamb for Passover or camping for Sukkot, but each year the Heavenly Father reveals Himself in a new and deeper way.

As for a typical day, my goal is to “live to praise the heavenly Father and restore order to His creation, through the leading of His Son”.  From a young age, I taught the children to rise, make their beds, bring order to their room, get dressed, brush hair, etc.  They would then take care of animal chores.  We would eat breakfast together, clean up food, dishes, tidy the house, clean the bathroom, etc.  We then gather together for praise and worship, bible time and prayer.  After this we do homeschooling, play outside, eat lunch, I read an inspirational book to the children, then naps for those who need them or more school work.  There is free time after school, dinner, then family time.

34With preschool children, things may not flow as smoothly because diapers need to be changed, attitudes need to be adjusted, sometimes discipline needs to be given and messes need to be cleaned up.  But your goal can be to instruct them to bring order into your home with a right heart and sweet spirit.  My young children were with me regardless of what I was doing and, at a young age, learned many skills.

With preschoolers, some days don’t end up looking like we thought they should, but that is okay.  What is important is trying to keep the fruits of Spirit flowing in your home.  This is not an easy task because we each have our own personal struggles in the flesh against sin and temptations.  Then you mix together a variety of personality types that may not mesh easily … and what do you get??  The home is an excellent microcosm of what life will be like as we try to “live at peace with all men”.  If there is just one thing you accomplish in a day, let it be “Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” – Luke 11:2.  Or in your home … let it be filled with shalom!

If you are training up preschoolers, the most important way to keep shalom (peace) in your home is to train them to obey with right hearts.  If you discipline wrong attitudes, the children are happy and the home stays happy.  If you allow wrong attitudes, even if every thing is clean and orderly in the house, the spirit of the home will not be peaceful or joyful.

With little ones, after you have encouraged them into having sweet spirits (and it is important to note here that children mirror you … if you don’t have a sweet spirit, they won’t), the goal that needs to be met is to make your home a haven.

This includes proper nutrition for the family to keep all of you healthy … make the effort to give your husband a good breakfast and lunch also.  Don’t make his only option for lunch a fast food restaurant or gas station that serves pizza and greasy stuff, with an old lady (or smiley young one) handing him a bag saying “Here ya go sweetie”.  Make provision for your sweetie to have a better option.

Do your best to keep up with the laundry being washed and put away to alleviate the stress of needing something clean to wear.  Even little children can help fold and put away laundry.   Also, a clean orderly home gives all the family members  a place to relax and does not make you uncomfortable to have people “drop in”.  If you accomplish these things and have time for other activities, then enjoy yourself.  If these basics are not met, I highly encourage you to not do other activities that take you away from accomplishing the basics, because they will add stress and disorder in your home.

Wow, I have written a long answer to  short questions!  I hope my insights will be helpful.  Shalom to your home!  ~ Annie