How do I submit my husband when I think he is acting unreasonable?
I am sorry for the delay in responding to you. Part of the reason is I have had a lot going on, the other part is that I have been doing a lot of thinking and praying about your question.
In no way can I answer this as an expert at being under submission, because I still sometimes struggle with this one. It is not because I have any doubts about it being the correct thing to do but I am a strong willed person and if I think my way is right, it is hard to submit to a way I may think is wrong. But I guess that is the key point: my thoughts. Are they in line with the Heavenly Father’s thoughts? Let’s put it all into perspective.
After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.10 Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. – Matthew 6:9-10
When Yeshua had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. “Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.” Yeshua said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?” The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.” When Yeshua heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. – Matthew 8:5-10
How great is your faith? Can you trust the Heavenly Father’s system to work things out if you follow in the way He has asked you to walk, being in submission to your husband? It’s not about us; it’s about the Heavenly Father’s Will being done on this earth by us, because we love Him. Are my thoughts about what I want or what the Heavenly Father wants?
I do not want to disregard that your husband may realistically be unreasonable at some point. He is human, right? Each one of us can struggle with being unreasonable at times since we struggle with our own sinful nature. So what do you do if there truly is unreasonableness?
First, consider if you may be feeding it. Are you peacefully approaching him on an issue you want to deal with or are you emotional, angry, argumentative, etc? Sometimes our husbands feel pushed against a wall by us and they react, as opposed to consider a matter.
If you are not feeding the unreasonableness, and you have presented your concerns with a right heart, let it go. You can trust your heavenly Father to take care of things the way they need to be taken care of. Bring it all to your Father. In any way you feel wronged by your husband, let the Father minister to you. His comfort can minister to any hurt you have.
As for your husband, try to apply this Scripture:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Forgive him for any unreasonableness and hold your peace. In 1 Peter 3:1 we are shown how to act with a husband not walking as he should, but did you ever consider what the “likewise” was referring too? If you consider it in light of this passage just before, it gives you the strength and motivation needed.
For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. – 1 Peter 2:21-25
I hope this helps. Shalom to your home!