How To Submit When I Think He’s Acting Unreasonable

How do I submit my husband when I think he is acting unreasonable?

how to submit

Shalom Anna,

I am sorry for the delay in responding to you.  Part of the reason is I have had a lot going on, the other part is that I have been doing a lot of thinking and praying about your question. ​

In no way can I answer this as an expert at being under submission, because I still sometimes struggle with this one.  It is not because I have any doubts about it being the correct thing to do but I am a strong willed person and if I think my way is right, it is hard to submit to a way I may think is wrong.  But I guess that is the key point: my thoughts.  Are they in line with the Heavenly Father’s thoughts?  Let’s put it all into perspective.

After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.10 Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. – Matthew 6:9-10

When Yeshua had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. “Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.” Yeshua said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?” The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed.  For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”  When Yeshua heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. – Matthew 8:5-10

How great is your faith?  Can you trust the Heavenly Father’s system to work things out if you follow in the way He has asked you to walk, being in submission to your husband?  It’s not about us; it’s about the Heavenly Father’s Will being done on this earth by us, because we love Him.  Are my thoughts about what I want or what the Heavenly Father wants?

I do not want to disregard that your husband may realistically be unreasonable at some point.  He is human, right?  Each one of us can struggle with being unreasonable at times since we struggle with our own sinful nature.  So what do you do if there truly is unreasonableness?

First, consider if you may be feeding it.  Are you peacefully approaching him on an issue you want to deal with or are you emotional, angry, argumentative, etc?  Sometimes our husbands feel pushed against a wall by us and they react, as opposed to consider a matter.

If you are not feeding the unreasonableness, and you have presented your concerns with a right heart, let it go.  You can trust your heavenly Father to take care of things the way they need to be taken care of.  Bring it all to your Father.  In any way you feel wronged by your husband, let the Father minister to you.  His comfort can minister to any hurt you have.

As for your husband, try to apply this Scripture:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Forgive him for any unreasonableness and hold your peace.  In 1 Peter 3:1 we are shown how to act with a husband not walking as he should, but did you ever consider what the “likewise” was referring too?  If you consider it in light of this passage just before, it gives you the strength and motivation needed.

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.  He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth.  When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.  He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.  For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. – 1 Peter 2:21-25

I hope this helps.  Shalom to your home!

Do you have a question that you would like to ask Annie.  You are welcome to comment or email it to us!

16 thoughts on “How To Submit When I Think He’s Acting Unreasonable

  1. Great Biblical reply! I just wanted to add that as we learn to practice submission it does become easier. However, I think every young woman should understand her freedoms in Jesus Christ and without guilt may ask her husband to receive help from others at church when dealing with reoccurring sin issues. I only say this because of experience in my own marriage and can see how God has used people in the church to encourage my husband’s walk with the Lord in a positive way. I think sometimes we hesitate or feel ashamed when having to admit problems but God wants to help us and often that means involving others. Thanks again for sharing!

    1. ​Shalom ​Jeannie,
      Thank you for your excellent comment. I do agree, however I do want to issue a strong caution. Do not assume that every “leader” in the church can be trusted. I say this from a truly horrible experience our family went through.

      Back in 2007, our family attended a congregation where we did not really know the leaders, but began going there based on trusting the judgment of a family we considered friends. At that time, my husband and I were having difficulty resolving a situation, so I thought it would be best to seek the “counsel” of the congregational leaders. For whatever evil purpose (I do not know what their motivation was, although it seemed there were some problems that my husband asked about – maybe it was easier to shoot the messenger than deal with the message), they twisted our situation into a bundle of lies and tried to destroy my husband’s reputation by spreading their lies to many other people in our religious community. I confronted the leader that he knew what he was saying was untrue, but this did not change his actions. Our “friends” would not confront this man and his wife about their actions and in time turned their backs on our family. Because they are very popular and have a big ministry, many people turned against our family since this “respectable” family chose to shun us. To this day, our family is shunned by these people and their many followers.

      All that to say, be extremely cautious to whom you “open up to”. Yes, it is helpful to have the help of true brothers and sisters in Messiah, but if you find yourself in need of another’s help, seek it only after spending much time in prayer for wisdom, for who you can trust .

  2. Thanks to my husband who wanted to send his children to a waldorf school we are now facing charges of child neglect and over 10.000 dollars in debt.
    But he alone is to blame. He did not hear my advise. He stood next to me when i managed to escape the clutches of antroprosophy. Yet he send my 4 precious children into that hell.
    i do not obey him anymore, he has lost my trust. A mother knows her children best.

    1. Wow, I am so sorry to hear about your heartache. May our heavenly Father help your family draw close to Him. You mentioned you were delivered from “antroprosophy”. What is your religious view now? Is Jesus (we call Him by His Hebrew name, Yeshua) your savior? I hope so! What do you want for your children?

      My concern for you is that I have never read in the Bible where we have an “option” to submit or not to submit to our husbands​ when we don’t like their choices. Your rebellion (I am saying this, if indeed you say you are a follower of Yeshua) to the clear scriptural command of submission to your husband, along with your bitterness and unforgiveness, is doing much more damage to your children than the Waldorf school. You are not giving them a true example of the Kingdom of the heavenly Father. How will they know to choose love if they have no example of it?

      I am not saying I support the Waldorf school in any way, but the heavenly Father did allow Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego to be taken into a pagan kingdom at a young age for His purposes. Also little Samuel was taken into the care of Eli at a young age … although Eli did a horrible job raising his own sons in righteousness.

      If you want to give your children the blessing of living in righteousness and truth, you need to give them the example by living it yourself. If you choose to go against what the heavenly Father is asking of you … what are you so upset with your husband about? May our heavenly Father help you all and draw each one of you closer to His heart and minister to each of your needs. With love, Annie

  3. I thankfully have a level-headed husband, who probably acts more reasonably than I do. That being said, sometimes I feel as though he’s not taking the lead on something when he should, and I have found myself at times having to hold myself back from taking the lead. Thank you for sharing! Visiting from Grace & Truth linkup.

    1. Shalom Trena,
      I completely understand what you mean about having to “hold back” sometimes. When I am really struggling with doing that, I remember our sister Sarah with Hagar and Rebecca trying to get Jacob the blessing. OY! These are good examples that help us to remember that our actions can affect many, many others.

      I have seen on quite a few occasions, that when I have held back, my husband takes the lead and handles the situation in a way I would not have thought of, and it brings about much good fruit.

      I have also seen, when I hold back, that my husband does not feel controlled by me. He then often encourages me to share my insights with him, so that we are united in how to proceed in different situations. It is a fun journey! Thank you for your comment and may our heavenly Father bless and keep you and yours!

  4. Thanks for sharing on this tough topic. I have lived through what some would call beyond unreasonableness on the part of my husband, past the point where his own Christian family did not understand why I did not divorce him, and where we almost did divorce and only the mercy of God saved our marriage. Even in our struggles God showed me that submitting to God and keeping my mouth shut and entrusting my husband and myself and my children to Him and not trying to control the outcome and taking everything to God in prayer–if I do this, he will protect and provide and allow me to see the situation more clearly and work His miracles. If I try to control the situation and not submit, I end up interfering in the work God is doing! I love the point you made about the damage done by the problems with the Waldorf school versus the problem with the parents. My MIL works in education and testifies that the difference between success and failure in school and life has everything to do with the home and very little to do with the quality of school. We do not realize that our children, no matter what we teach them or expect of them, do nothing more or less than follow in our footprints. Whatever they see modeled in us they will do.

    1. Shalom Anna,
      Thank for your comment, what an awesome testimony. Thank you for not only loving your husband and children but also Messiah and His body​. You are truly fulfilling Matthew 5:16 – “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

  5. You’ve shared important truths here for us. It occurs to me that our willingness to submit to our husbands is actually a function of our trust in God. The primary question for us is not, “Is my husband being unreasonable?” but rather, “Do I trust God to be able to handle this?”

    I have a long way to go toward this type of submission! I’m thankful for a God who patiently keeps working on our stubborn hearts. May we be ever more yielded to Him!

    Thank you for linking up with us at Grace & Truth!

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