Biblical Reasons For Being At Home

personal discoveries

(You might like to read Part One: Why Would I Want To Leave Home?)

In looking for Biblical instruction about the unmarried daughter’s role, something that really got my attention were verses like Colossians 3:20, which says “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord,” and verse 18 of the same chapter which says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.”

Obviously there is a principle here that a daughter who is a child is supposed to be in obedience and submission to her parents and a wife is supposed to be in obedience and submission to her husband.  So then does it make sense that a young lady who is no longer a child and not yet married, should be independent and submitted to no one?  According to Scripture, the answer is no.  In Numbers 30 we find that a father has spiritual authority over his unmarried daughter and can protect her from making a foolish vow or commitment, just as a husband has authority to protect his wife from doing the same.

We find several references to an unmarried daughter being in her father’s house in that same chapter, and in Leviticus 22, we also read that if a woman was divorced or widowed, she was to return to her father’s house as she was in her youth.  While these passages would seem to be a clear indication that an unmarried daughter remained in her father’s house, I think it is also important to look at the Scriptural examples that we have.  Here are some of the unmarried daughters that I discovered:

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  • Genesis 19; we find Lot’s daughters were in his house.
  •  Genesis 24; we find Rebekah serving her family and in so doing, she ended up serving the man who was to introduce her to her husband.
  • Genesis 29; we find Rachel caring for her father’s flocks.
  • Exodus 2; Zipporah and her sisters were also caring for their father’s flocks.
  • Judges 11; we find Jepthah’s daughter in his house.

I also found that the only Biblical examples we have of unmarried women living on their own, was Rahab in Jericho and the two harlots that brought the baby to King Solomon.  In saying that, I have to add the disclaimer that I am not accusing a woman who lives on her own of being a harlot!  Far from it!  But I do find it interesting that the only Scriptural examples of unmarried women who were not in their father’s homes were those of ungodly women.

But I think the most convincing passage is Titus 2:3-5, which says, “the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things — that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”

Everyone is familiar with these verses, they are probably quoted more often than any other verses relating to a woman’s Biblical role.  I always understood them to mean that the older women are to teach the young wives how to love their husbands and children and keep their homes, etc.  But a brief study of that passage will reveal that the word for “young women” simply means “young, youthful, or recently born” … it does not indicate wifehood at all.

Our family came to realize that these things the young women were to learn, are things that must be practiced.  They are not accomplished overnight.  How can we expect a woman to train herself for a career, to practice being independent and self-sufficient … and then suddenly she is married and must submit to her husband and be a keeper of her home?  Personally, I feel that this verse is referring to the unmarried young women.  They are the ones that should be learning to love their husbands and children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good and obedient to their husbands … so that once they reach that stage of life, they will have the necessary training and practice for a smooth transition into the role of wife, mother and homemaker.

The exciting thing is – these are things that can be learned at home!  You won’t accomplish these traits by paying thousands of dollars of tuition for four years on a college campus.  And you can’t practice being a homemaker while working a regular, eight hour a day job.  But most young women are provided with the ideal circumstances for learning and practicing these aspects of Godly womanhood … and that is their homes and families.  What better way to learn to love and obey your future husband, than to treat your father in this way?  What better way is there to prepare to love your children, than to practice this with your own siblings?  What better place is there to learn how to take care of a home?  And think about all the things that you can learn and study, whether it be character traits, special skills, etc!

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This is why I am convinced that my place as an unmarried daughter is in my parents’ home, under their authority, serving my family.  It is the perfect training ground to prepare me for my own home and family one day.  Some people may think that I have a very narrow vision for the future, and in some ways, I do.  I believe that a woman should be a keeper at home, whether married or unmarried.  It is common to hear people say that you can be anything you want to be.  Just believe in yourself, dream big, and you can do whatever you want to do.  But this is not a Scriptural mindset.  Titus 2:5 says that the young women are to learn these things so that the word of God is not blasphemed.  I do not believe that it is pleasing to the heavenly Father when women do not fulfill the role for which He created them.  When we do not fulfill the roles for which we were created, we cannot expect positive results.

In saying all that, I must add that while I feel very strongly about what I believe to be right, I also know that there are many exceptions to the rule.  We live in an imperfect world and are surrounded by imperfect people and imperfect situations.  I know there are some girls who do not have fathers to provide for them, and there are other girls whose fathers want them to work or go to college.  I believe that each family and individual must decide how to walk out the convictions the heavenly Father has given them and it is not our place to judge whether they are doing it correctly or not.  This path is going to look different for each family, which brings me to the next topic I want to address … what does a daughter at home do?

(stay tuned for Part Three: What Do You Do With Yourself All Day?)

9 thoughts on “Biblical Reasons For Being At Home

  1. It’s hard when people ask, “So what are you going to be? What do you want to do when you go to college? You know, Emma, you can be what ever you want to be.” It’s not true that you can be anything you want to be because I’m sure that some people, for example, want to be the president of America and they can’t! Our society today is bent so backward that nobody can be happy and content with what they’re doing now, so they have to find bigger and better things because it has been engraved into their mind that they can be what ever they want to be. It’s sad that these things are happening.

    I’ll look forward to part three, Hannah. Thank you so much for doing these posts.

  2. All of this is so true! Although I went from my Daddy’s home straight into my husband’s home, It wasn’t for the same reason, but it accomplished the same purpose. I did not spend any time outside my Daddy’s home either going to college or working. I wish I had been raised as Hannah and her siblings are being raised. But Abba kept me the way it was supposed to be, despite my upbringing. I pray more young girls and women will see the benefit of doing things Elohim’s way rather than the way of the world.

  3. Keep standing on the Truth of God’s word. You are a voice crying in the wilderness. I wasn’t raised in a Christian home. I was actually suppose to be a statics until I acknowledge Jesus as Lord about 17 years ago. My story is what you would hear amongst the typical “African-American” family. I was raised in a single parent household, a father in and out of my life. I had a three babies under the age of 18 all out of wedlock; the first one I was encouraged to abort. My life was suppose to look like my mother’s until I acknowledged Jesus as Lord of my life and He brought me to a man who would married me and claimed my daughters as his own 17 years ago. God took what was broken and made it complete. Together with God we embarked upon a new journey. I read Titus 2:3-5 and came home which was frowned upon by my family. I homeschooled my daughters which was discouraged by my family because I drop out of highschool and later receieved a GED and because Blacks marched for freedom of Education. Now I encouraged my daughters not to go away to college and not take jobs outside the home but instead study at home and start their own businesses which is unheard of among the Black culture. The enemy has been at our gates by causing my husband to loose jobs, sending out scouts to discourage myself and my daughters. People would meet us and assume we were married and then had children until we say how we were married (17 years) and the ages of daughters (23 & 21) Well I thought nothing would tear our family apart untill recently like in Job 3:25 What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. My youngest daughter had a crisis of faith, she started becoming depressed listening to the lies of the enemy and believing she has no purpose because she has gone no where in life like her peers at the previous churches we attended. She took a bite of the fruit of our culture and her eyes were open to it’s appeal and began to listen to others who have been taken captive by the philosophies of the this world and she walk out of the protective covering of our home. We are still feeling the pain and grief. It was the hardest attack of the enemy we have ever experience. He used this to break our family apart. However God is still on the Throne and He sees what the enemy has done and God will win this battle. My oldest daughter is staying in our home because she wants her parents blessing on her marriage. But please pray for her. I requested a free copy of your magazine however we can’t afford to subscribe because my husband was laid from Hostess brands two years ago and we are now homeless and planning on staying with my aging grandmother and care for her untill my husband finds work. Please pray for our family and please keep writing and encouraging young ladies who are alone” in a warped and crooked generation” Thank you for your ministry, it’s a diamond in the rough. God Bless

    1. Thank you for sharing your testimony. I am so sorry to hear about your youngest daughter. Your family is in my prayers and I believe that the Heavenly Father will use you for His glory and will bring you through these trials as gold through the refiners fire – Malachi 3:3.

      Also, please know that the magazine is offered free to those who request it, regardless of whether or not they can afford to make financial contributions. So if you would like to receive it, please do not let the inability to donate keep you back!

  4. Dear Mom of 2 Maidens…..I know things may look bleak for you and your family right now, but Abba is faithful and true and will not put on us more than we are able to bear. It is good that you’ll be going to help your aged grandmother. It will be a blessing for all of you. Abba has a way of working things our for us that we may not readily see, but down the line, we can look back and see His ever-guiding hand. Because His promises are “yes” and “so be it”. He will never leave or forsake you. Keep your eyes on Him and He will see you through. Be blessed….Charlene

    1. This is a difficult situation and I don’t think there is any pat answer. Statistically speaking, it is not common for a person to be unmarried by the time their parents pass on, but there are some who experience this … there are men and women who are called to celibacy, and there are also those who lose their parents at younger age due to tragic circumstances. Ideally, a woman in this situation would have a male family member, such as a brother or uncle, who could provide a home for her (example: Mordecai and Esther; Lazarus, Martha and Mary), but due to the breakdown of the family unit in our society today, this is probably not an option for most people. However I would encourage an unmarried woman who does not have parents in her life to find a Godly couple who can help fill this position … not that she necessarily has to live with them or be under their authority, but it is helpful to have the wise counsel and spiritual protection that a Godly husband and wife can provide.

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